I have a quick question before we dive into this blog: How are you?
Was your answer a quick one? “I’m well!” or perhaps, “I’ve been better.”
Or, did you go into a mental monologue, listing all of the things that are going well in contrast to some things that you would like to improve?
Most people give a surface answer. Why? Because they either lack self-awareness or don’t want to open a literal Pandora's box of emotion (or don’t want to bother giving such sensitive information to a complete stranger!).
In my last blog I talked very briefly about the agreements we make, knowingly or unknowingly, as we live our day to day lives. This creates our backstory, the one that drives our day to day decisions. People often bury this backstory, determined to let the past stay in the past. That may work well for some, but for others, it creates a labyrinth of issues, causing them to navigate life without direction.
How can this be helped? Increase what I call your “You IQ.”
It starts with embracing a bit of self-awareness. Consider your basic personality, the people/things/situations you avoid, the people/things/situations you can’t seem to avoid, and the core beliefs you hold sacred. This can tell you a lot about your tendencies and increase your You IQ.
Increasing your You IQ can uncover the agreements you have made, which are now ingrained in your subconscious mind.
This is where things start to get interesting. As a general rule, your subconscious mind doesn’t like to change, even if it is something you greatly desire!
Think of all of the people who, just two short months ago, made new year’s resolutions to get in shape. They created workout plans and eating plans and set off that first week with honorable intentions. By this point (two months later), about 70% of them have gone back to their old habits. They want to live a healthier life. And they certainly know they should live a healthier life. So why do they fail to follow through?
Because our subconscious mind is cunning.
Spencer Johnson M.D. explained this perfectly in his book “Who Moved My Cheese?” If you don’t want any spoilers, stop now and read the book! I highly recommend it.
On with my spoiler for the sake of making a point. In the book, there are several characters. One of the main characters is named Hem. When faced with the realization that change needed to happen, Hem responded “No, I like it here, It’s comfortable. It’s what I know. Besides, it’s dangerous out there.”
In that same story, Hem’s friend Haw wanted to change his habits, declaring he was going to change after imagining the result he wanted. Hem responded again, “I’m afraid I’m not interested in getting lost and making a fool of myself. Are you?” With this singular comment, Haw felt fear enter and gave up on the change he hoped for.
Hem’s reaction to his friend is not uncommon. A person’s comment towards us can send us back to our comfort zone due to fear. What specifically causes this fear? The thought of doing something different from the norm. Our old routines and habits often summon us with unbelievable magnetism back to our comfort zone.
Here’s the rub…we can’t get different results while abiding by our same old habits.
Increase your You IQ by taking a close look beyond the surface you. Look deep, consider the different areas where you lack effectiveness. Consider the “why” for this lack of effectiveness, and prepare to forge a new, more compelling “why” for your change efforts.
What happens next is magic and will lead to a truly BAPU life, but requires both persistence and grit. We’ll discuss this next time!
Cheers,
Chuck, AKA Padre